I've been brought up in an environment where whatever people do, I don't question. Whatever people wants me to do, I don't question either. That sounds pathetic but yeah, I've been leading a doll's life. I just accepted that it's the way it is and I assumed it's normal. Never thinking out of the box, never really breaking out of the life's routine, never doing much out of the ordinary. So, whether or not I like what I'm doing, I'll do it because it just feels like it seems to be the only way at the time.
Cracks started appearing on the box when I came to Perth. I hated it at first. Why must I consider so much? Can't you just tell me what to do and I do it? Why the options? I don't even know what I want to do. Spare me....please.....
But this of course, is detrimental to my faith. This year especially, I come across so many people who has different views to it, about the "right" way of doing things (kay..doesn't help that I have a subsection on ethics in one of my units), and basically just people who make comments to things that I don't quite agree with.
I know I don't agree with them but I don't know why...or how to explain it. I've just accepted it to be the right way, KNOW it to be the right way but I can't defend why it's the right way. Doesn't help that the people I've talked to can articulate their opinions so well and I'm only just starting to develop my own thoughts and views about things.
This year alone, I've found myself having some questions about life. Is this all to it? Study, work, build a family and die. Friends are a big part of my life and yet, I know that they are not gonna be around forever. Some are only there for a short season of your life and before you know it, you wonder if it's only been a blissful dream. Even if you try to engineer it so that you can be around a friend for a longer time, you know it's never gonna happen. Sure enough, memories will live on but is it enough to carry me to my deathbed?
I'm not heading in the direction of denying my faith. If I do that, then I'll be denying all the great things He has done in me for the past 22 years of my life. I believe, that this *new* development of my thoughts is another stage of growing in my faith. It's not for the sake of being able to debate with people about it but it is essential for me to know why I'm in this because I'm definitely in it for the long haul.
babbled at 11:38 AM
3 sploshes:
I'm glad you think its a new season of faith.
To me, the only way I can accept God (and this is in the sense of being interested in/involved in creation) is if He is NOT, dare I say, concerned about my happiness. I'll leave the theology bit there...
I am convinced, and passing time adds more weight to my point, that I am a pawn in some Divine Joke. Not being too dramatic about it: my current favourite verses Job 3:23-26.
Am I biblically allowed to just accept God on what has been done and say "if [He does not show up], we die anyway"? Or must I force myself, despite it being, seriously, a lie, to be happy for the sake of being 'a good testimony'? For it takes all my strength just to get through another night.
Yes. Enough.
friends come and go, that i have accepted.
there'll be no one single person who will stay by your side for the rest of your life
i've come to learn and know and understand that the only constant in my life is God
for me, now at least, what i see as important with regards to friends/friendships is that God placed these people in my/your life, they're there to guide you, to do fun stuff, and to brighten your day. and we've gotta try to bless them in whatever way they can because they're such a blessing to us.
and try not to worry about length of friendships (i try not to) because if the friendship is true, if God's in the friendship and if you really love each other as friends, no matter what the distance is, no matter how old or how far or whatever, they'll always be there by your side.
I like pam's comment. It's true, most of the people we know and grow to love won't be with use forever. But I think instead of being worried about how hurt or lonely we're going to be when they're gone, we shouldn't retract into our shells. I think we should live with vigour and create good memories with our friends. We should do right by each other so that when we look back, we won't feel any regrets. Just like Full House right? Aza aza fighting!
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